雞眼機英文
A. 自動雞眼打扣機用英語怎麼說
你好！
自動雞眼打扣機
Automatic corn machine
B. 電腦包英文的專業術語 謝謝
聖貝爾科技有限公司
專業電腦包生產廠為您解答：
箱包專業術語
手袋箱包術語(1)
Bags/Case Name 袋/箱包名稱
Beauty Case 化妝袋
Briefcase 公文袋
Cabin Case 航空袋
Camera Bag 相機袋
Duffle /Travel bag 旅行袋
Flight Bag /Tote 航空袋
Garment Bag 西裝袋
Simple Notebook Bag 簡單電腦袋
Toilet Kit 洗手間袋
Travel Bag with Trolley 拖輪袋
Trolley /Uprights 拉桿箱
Trolley Backpack 拉桿背包
Waist Bag 腰包
Handbag 手提包
Material 原料：
Binding Material 包邊用料
Cord for Cord-Handles 手把索
Brushed Nylon for Computer Cases 拉過絨的尼龍用在電腦箱
Cardboard Bottom Boards 紙底板
Dobbie Weave 交織
Cord for Cord-Locks 鎖索
Dividers & Separators』 material 分隔面料
Elastics 松緊帶
Foams 海綿
Insulating Materials 絕緣物料
Leather Trim 真皮配料
Linings 內里
Main Coated materials 主要外層面料
Mesh /Other type of Tissue 網布/紗布
Piping Bumpers 管條腳座
Piping Materials 管條
Plywood Bottom Boards 底部膠合板（木板/三合板）、
Polyethylene for Corners /Backing 角位/底部面料
Polyvinyl(PVC)Sponge Trim PVC海綿配料
Thread 車線
Velcro 幺術貼
Webbing 織帶
Zipper Pulls 拉片
Zipper Sliders 拉鏈頭
Zipper Tapers 拉鏈
Structural Hardware 金屬結構
Accessory Hook 前拖帶
Rivets & Washers 鉚釘和墊圈
Alligator Studs 短釘
Runners 背面長條
Bottom Stand 前腳
Screws 螺絲
Bottom Studs 底釘
Shoulder Strap 肩帶
Complete Extendable Handle System 拉桿架
Side Handle 側手把
Conveyor Belt 運輪帶
Snaps 紐扣/四合扣
Extendible Handles』 Parts /Mechanisms 伸縮拉桿配件/結構
Grommets 墊圈
Studs (Side Studs )大頭釘（側泡釘）
Handle with brackets 手把連扣
Top Carrying Handle 主手把
Honeycomb Sample 蜂巢板
Wheel Casings 輪子的蓋
Handle Wrap 手握片
Wheels and base 拉桿箱輪子連底座
Metal Frame Sample 鐵框
Polyethylene Board Samples ---PE板
Rings /Other Metal Parts 金屬環/其它金屬配件
Accessories 配件
Badge /Emblem 徽章，象徵，標志
Buckles 插扣
Chains 縫條/鏈
Cord-Locks (Toggle-Locks ,Barrel-Locks ) s鎖（套索鎖，桶鎖）
Hanger Hooks & Mechanisms for Swing-Hooks 掛鉤和搖擺鉤
Hooks 勾 Lid 蓋
Luggage Identification Tags 行李箱地址牌
Nameplate 商標/Logo /鋁牌
Strap 背帶
Outside Hanger Hooks for Garment Bags 供西裝袋用的勾（衣架）
Padlocks & Keys 鎖和鑰匙
Plastic Water Bottles 塑膠水桶釘
Swivel Hanger bracket 旋轉衣架座
Universal Hanger Hooks 整體掛勾
Labels 標簽
Guarantee Carton Tags 保證吊牌
Inside Country of Origin Label 內布標
Other Required Tag 其它要求的吊牌
Proct Knowledge Carton Tags 產品吊牌
Tear-Me Test Tags 本布吊牌
UPC Tag –UPC吊牌
Buckle/Lock扣或鎖
Belt Buckle 皮帶扣
Press Locks 插鎖
Metal Pin Buckle 鐵線針扣
Snap Fastener 四合扣
Metal Ring /Buckle 鐵線扣
Turn Locks 擰制
Plastic Buckle 塑膠插扣
Button 紐扣
Handbag Side Clips 手袋側夾
Magnet Button 磁紐
Press Button 珠紐
Press Stud 紐扣
Snap Button 急紐
Rivet 釘
Compression Rivet 束口釘
Semi-Tublar Rivet 中空釘
Full Tublar Rivet 空心釘
Single Layer Rivet 單面撞釘
Color 顏色
Aubergine 紫紅色
Beige 米黃色
Bone 米色
Chrome/ Nickel 鎳色
Navy 海軍藍
Pewter 沙電色
Khaki 卡其色
Cloth 布料
Canvas 帆布
Jacquard /Tapestry 提花布
Ramie 麻
Ripstop /Tartan 格子布
Sponge 海綿
Spun 山東綢
Twill 斜布
Zipper Cord 拉頭上的棉繩
Defects 瑕疵
Baggy Cloth 波斷紋
Filling Bar 稀密路
Mixed Filling 錯緯
Barre 橫檔
Finishing Bar 橫痕
Neps 棉結
Broken End 斷線
Float End 走經
Oil Spots 油漬
Broken Picks 斷線
Float 浮織 Pleat 褶
Coarse Picks 粗緯
Fold Marks 褶痕
Rope Marks 條痕
Cockles 起皺
Fuzzy Ball 毛球
Slack Picks 松緯
Color Spots 色漬
Holes Sto破洞
stop Mark 停機痕
Crease 皺
Loopy Selvedge 毛圈邊
Tight End 緊經
Curled Selvedge 卷邊
Mispick 缺緯
Tight Picks 緊緯
Double Picks 雙緯
Missing End 缺經/線
Water Stain 水印
Dyeing Streak 染褶
Mix End 錯經
Wavy Selvedge 浪邊
Other Vocabulary 其他生字
Abrasion 摩擦
Bent 彎曲
Crooked 歪
Engraved 雕刻
Eyelets 雞眼
Jaggedly 鋸齒
Protrudes 突出
Rip Off 裂開
Seam 接縫
Stiff 硬
Stumbles 錯誤
Trimming 裝飾
Wobble 搖晃
Removable cosmetic pouch 可移除化妝袋
raw edge 毛邊
Gusset piece 風琴片
kickplate 踢腳板
slash pockets 開口袋
Herringbone 人字紋帶
suiter folded 西裝袋折疊
steel wire 鐵線
Top stitch 上車線
embossed pattern 平紋風格
tilt-out dividers 凸出的分隔板
Wet pack 防水
mesh divider 網隔分隔板
expansion off case 擴充空間
Removable drop-in suiter 可移除的西裝套袋
plastic washers 塑膠墊圈
Wheel housings 輪子座
Pull handle grip and bezel 拉桿杯
bumpers / runners 腳座
Garment grips 衣架座
Logo gasket logo 襯墊
barrel clips 桶型扣
Top carry handle 主手把
side carry handle 側手把
vinyl bottom 芙蓉皮底
Smart sleeve 套拉桿功能
lining/curtain 內里
cross straps 束衣帶
Shoulder straps 肩帶
bloused wetpockets 凸濕衣袋
solid wire 實心線
Extender panel w/roll-bar 延展片/有滾條
swivel hook 狗鉤
These zippers open into main gussets 主風琴拉
Heat transfer pattern 熱傳遞風格
leather tab 皮革飾片
Text-turned vinyl 有織紋芙蓉皮（紋理芙蓉皮）
graphic carton 彩盒
Master carton 大箱
zip-away 拉鏈袋
handle ring 手把環
Clear PVC 透明PVC
kohis sticker 貼紙
stuffing material 塞物料
C. 我想要幾則十分搞笑的英文笑話
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似
18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」
英語笑話（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。
英語笑話（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告「年輕者」
這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，
千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」
英語笑話（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」
英語笑話（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。
「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」
英語笑話（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個引擎
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」
回答者：lovemydream - 高級經理 七級 7-5 10:08
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評論者： YABNV - 魔法學徒 一級
其他回答共 2 條
Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
邏輯推理
小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個例子：「有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裡。於是他開始掙扎並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麼？」 一個女生舉手答道，「是不是去取他的存款？」
[注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的「銀行」之外，還有「河岸」的意思。
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了嗎?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent『s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
「I want『yes』or『no，』」thundered counsel．「There is no need for you to argue the point！」
「But there are some questions which cannot be answered by『yes』or『no，』」mildly responded the witness．
「There are not！」 snapped the lawyer．
「Oh，」 said the witness，「answer this then：「Have you ceased beating your wife？」
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向於在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
「我要你回答『是』或者『不是』，」辯護律師怒喝道： 「你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。」
「可是有些問題無法用『是』或者『不是』來回答。」這位證人溫和地回敬他。
「不存在這樣的問題！」律師厲聲打斷他。
「噢，」證人說：「那麼請你回答這個問題：「你停止打你老婆了嗎？」
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
昨天夜裡我爸媽表演「混合雙打」
Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：見過，老師，經常見。就在昨天夜裡我還見過呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.」
尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:「家醜不可外揚。」(
1．we two who and who？
咱倆誰跟誰阿
2．how are you ? how old are you?
怎麼是你，怎麼老是你？
3．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！
你有種，我要給你點顏色瞧瞧，兄弟們，一起上！
4．as far as you go to die
有多遠，死多遠！！！！
5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!
有事起奏，無事退朝
6．you me you me
彼此彼此
7．You Give Me Stop!!
你給我站住！
8．know is know noknow is noknow
知之為知之，不知為不知…
9．WATCH SISTER
表妹
10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse』』son can make hole!!龍生龍，鳳生鳳，老鼠的兒子會打洞！
11.．I give you face you don』t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face
給你臉你不要臉，你丟臉，我翻臉
12．one car comeone car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
(車禍現場描述 )
13．heart flower angry open
心花怒放
14．go past no mistake past
走過路過，不要錯過
15．小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I haveone!
要錢沒有，要命一條
17．I call Li old big. toyear 25.
我叫李老大，今年25。
18．you have two down son
你有兩下子。
19.好好學習，天天向上：
good good study,day day up!
20.people mountain people sea!
人山人海。
D. 全自動雞眼打扣機用英語怎麼說
全自動雞眼打扣機
英文翻譯
Full automatic corn buckle machine
E. 英文好的大蝦，麻煩翻譯一下
的故事基本上是感恩節的故事朝聖者和他們的感激社會盛宴在普利茅斯，馬薩諸塞州。
朝聖者，誰開船從普利茅斯，英格蘭，一艘名為五月花九月六日， 1620年，是財富獵人，必將為足智多謀的'新大陸' 。五月花是一個小型船舶擠滿了男人，婦女和兒童，除船員在船上。機上乘客包括'分裂分子' ，誰自稱的「聖人」 ，和其他人，其中分離主義分子所謂的「陌生人」 。
在土地被過往亦曾在11月66天的一個致命的航程，舉行了一次會議，並簽署了停火安排。它被稱為五月花契約。該協議保證平等成員之間的兩個群體。他們合並成為公認的「朝聖者」 。他們當選的約翰佛作為其第一州長。
但是，他們的幸福是短命的。無力面對這個冬季的地方，他們疏遠了徹底破壞。
他們慶祝它的是一個宏大的社會盛宴，其中的友好土著美國人也被邀請。這是一種收獲盛宴，朝聖者曾經在英格蘭。需要的食譜「玉米」 （小麥，由朝聖者使用這個詞） ，印度玉米，大麥，豌豆和南瓜， 「雞」 （專門「水禽」 ） ，鹿，魚。是的，當然，美味的野火雞。
然而，第三年是真正的壞時，雞眼了損壞。朝聖總督威廉下令布拉德福德一天的禁食，祈禱，和雨水碰巧很快。為了慶祝-1 1月2 9日這一年被宣布為一天的感恩。這一天被認為是真正開始本感恩節。
雖然感恩節目前正在慶祝第四屆每星期四11月。這個日期是由羅斯福總統於1939年（美國國會的批准於1941年） 。早些時候，這是上周四在11月被指定為前總統亞伯拉罕林肯。但有時上周四將變成第五個星期四的一個月。這瀑布太接近聖誕節，離開企業甚至不到一個月的時間，以應付後續的兩個大節日。因此改變。
F. 急求英語小笑話帶翻譯
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer, "I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?"The farmer replied, "What's time to a pig?"
一天，有一個城市裡的遊客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農庄是什麼樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城裡人看見一位農夫在宅後的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，並把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城裡人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫回答說，"時間對豬有什麼意義?"
It worked 真的有效！
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor. The doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine." said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
Tom早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老闆非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。於是，Tom去看醫生，醫生給了他一顆葯丸並告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆葯。Tom照醫生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鍾響之前就起來了。Tom從容不迫地吃完早餐，然後興高采烈地開車上班去了。
「老闆」，Tom說，「那葯真管用，我的睡眠好極了！」
「是夠管用的，」老闆說，「問題是，昨天你人哪去了」？
Want a Day Off 想請一天假
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, " We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. " I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
一天，史密斯去見他的客戶部領導，「老闆」，斯密斯說，「我們家明天要大搞清潔，我老婆需要我回去幫忙清潔閣樓和車庫，搬搬挪挪什麼的。」「斯密斯啊，你也知道，我們現在人手已經不夠了」老闆說，「明天的假我是沒法給你批了」。「多謝老闆，」 Smith說，「我就知道跟著您干准沒錯」。
Keys to Success 成功的關鍵
One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out no matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'
"What is cleverness? " asked his son.
"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.
一天，父親教育兒子說：「一個人成功的關鍵就是嚴守諾言和足夠聰明。一旦你給了別人承諾，無論發生什麼事，你都得實現它，這個就叫『守諾言』。」
兒子問：「那麼什麼是聰明呢？」
父親回答：「聰明就是任何時候都別做這樣的承諾。」
Good Intentions
One day a boy came to his teacher and said: 「Teacher, my father wants to know if you like roast pig.」 「I certainly do, 」said the teacher, 「and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.」 Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig. Finally the teacher said to the boy: 「I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.」 「Yes,」 said the boy, 「he did intend to, but the pig got well.」
良好的心願
一天有個男孩去對他老師說：「老師，我爸想知道你是不是愛吃烤豬肉。」 「當然。」老師說，「去告訴你父親，多謝他想著我。」 好幾天過去了，再沒提起烤豬肉的事兒。 最後老師對男孩說：「我以為你父親要給我送點烤豬肉來呢。」 「是啊，」孩子說，「他是這么想的，可後來豬又沒病了。」
英語笑話（一）
老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.並讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：「湯姆是瑪麗。」
小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！
英語笑話（二）
某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu，外賓曰：我TM還是方片七呢！
英語笑話（三）
江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：「哪裡，哪裡」。
翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪裡漂亮的，乾脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻譯：「你到處都很漂亮。」江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：「不見得，不見得」。翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
英語笑話（四）
某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞， 忙說：I am sorry.
老外應道：I am sorry too.
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.
英語笑話（五）
一位來自日本的旅客，坐計程車去機場的路上，看到一輛汽車經過，就說：「oh，TOYOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」又有一輛經過，他又說： 「oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」司機有點不高興，覺得他太吵了！當第三輛經過時，他還是說：「oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」
後來到了機場，那個日本人就問：「How Much？」計程車司機說：「1000！」
日本人驚奇的問司機：「為什麼那麼貴？」計程車司機回答說：「oh，mileometer（計程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」
英語笑話（六）
英語老師問一個學生，「How are you是什麼意思」
學生想how是怎麼，you 是你，於是回答「怎麼是你？」
老師生氣又問另一個同學：「How old are you ?是什麼意思？」
這個同學想了想說：「怎麼老是你。」
英語笑話（七）
某男，粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是sex。
該男思之久已，毅然下筆：「Once a week「。
簽證官觀後暴笑，曰：「This item should be filled in with male or female.「
該男頓時赧顏，思之，填下「female「，官楞之，曰：「shouldn』t it be male?「
男急釋曰：「I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.」
G. 英語小笑話及中文翻譯
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似
18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」
英語笑話（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。
英語笑話（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
H. 跪求一些關於一個英語單詞的小笑話。。。。
明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：
May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！
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一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，於是對著男友說：「SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!」
男的答道：「IT!」
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一位在美的留學生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過於緊張，看到地上標線是向左轉。
他不放心的問道:turn left？
監考官回答：right。於是他立刻向右轉……
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某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說：I am sorry。
老外應道：I am sorry too。
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three。
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for? 某人無奈，道：I am sorry five。
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I. 英文短笑話
1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老師：誰能回到我下一個問題，誰就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一個小男孩把書包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老師：誰剛剛把書包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I』m going home now.
男孩：我!我現在要回家了。
2、What dog can jump higher than a building?
什麼狗比大樓跳的還高?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
任何一隻狗，大樓又跳不起來。
3、What has a head, a tail, and no body?
什麼有頭、有尾，但是沒有身體?
A coin!
硬幣。
4、What has one eye but cannot see?
什麼有一隻眼睛，卻看不見?
A needle.
針。
5、Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你會怎麼形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什麼意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可愛的、令人愉悅的、優雅的、時髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，謝謝，但是「IJK」是什麼意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：開個玩笑!
6、Boy: Is this seat empty?
男孩：這個座位是空的么？
Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
7、My little dog can't read
我的狗不識字
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
布朗夫人：哦，親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
8、My Wife Will Exchange Them
反正我太太明天會來換的
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。
″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.
「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。
″Makes no difference ″replied customer.
「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。
″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.
「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。
″Any″ he responded.
「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。
″Size﹖″
「號碼呢？」
″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
「您就隨便給我拿一副吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」